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The Bully and Victim Scenario
As some of you here may be aware of, there is a concept, in a form or therapy know as Transactional Analysis, called The Drama Triangle. The Drama Triangle is basically a big game sometimes unconsciously carried out in life between people when they find themselves relating to others in emotionally challenging situations.
Have you ever experienced this, you get into an intense situation with someone else, where its paramount that your own needs, feelings and thoughts are observed. Because of this intense need to be heard or acknowledged there is a vulnerability, either with you or someone you are relating to. The intensity of the situation can drive us into unconscious roles that we can feel inauthentic in, maybe a bit trapped, whilst relating to the other person.
In the Drama Triangle the three different roles that we can find ourselves unconsciously playing are one or more than one of the following three victim, perpetrator or rescuer.
Person 1 (Friend or peer in this moment playing rescuer to person 2 who does not want to change to fit within a specific way of being within the friendship group) “Come on you need to change a bit so you can fit in better with us, I will help just follow what I suggest” Person 2: “I am sorry I just don’t feel like it now, I promise I will try to make more of an effort soon when I am feeling better.I know I am not the same as you lot and maybe you can help me change” ( this person has fallen into victim role, maybe through their subconscious discounting of themselves and their own need to feel accepted). Person 1: “well I really do hope so, you are letting yourself down and your friends” ( person 1 who is feeling angry and frustrated with person 2 for not conforming has now switched into persecutor role, sometimes the bully, there is now a power dynamic at play).
From this scenario the game could continue with roles switching, more emotional petrol put on the emotional drama, creating more fire for the game, but not a pleasant game.
Does this ring a bell? It might be that you have come to understand by observing these typical scenarios in life,
One solution to this typical scenario is to find what you really want at the time. If you want to be different or not conform, if you don’t really want to do something, even though there is peer pressure to do it, then you can say this to others and there is nothing wrong with this. Sometimes when we assert ourselves it gives a clear message to the person who is putting pressure on you, that the peer pressure is not going to work with them and the person putting on the pressure gets the message and backs off.
In the case of bullying it can sometimes be that a person who shows that they might be susceptible to being a potential victim, by showing a victim type response, is more at risk of falling into the role of victim in a bullying scenario. This is not always the case as bullying can be complicated but often it is. Whatever the scenario it’s important to stand strong within yourself for who you are, to communicate this to others with or without the help of others who can support you within this. If you feel you cannot have a voice for yourself within your peer group then you can talk to a trusted adult who can help you find ways of expressing your true self.
Social Model vs Mental Model
The medical model of disability states that those with disabilities have an illness or condition and that there is something wrong with them. This is often seen first and the person second. Positive change for the person is related to diagnosis, labelling, therapy and medication. This model predated the social model and can be seen in many arears of our society, for example schools specifically for disabled children which segregate them from other children and thus exclude them. Although views are shifting away from the medical model towards the social model many laws in the UK are still based on the medical model.
The medical model is likely to make individuals with a disability feel that they are different from what is deemed normal, leading them to feel isolated and to suffer from low self-esteem. They may feel judged by society and rejected and may feel that they do not have the same rights and opportunities than those without a disability. Regarding society as a whole the medical model segregates as opposed to integrates society. This prevents people learning from each other and benefiting from the positive impact of a diverse society. People’s prejudices about disabled people are therefore not challenged and disabled people continue to feel unheard, misunderstood and rejected by society. The medical model also prevents society from being held accountable for making faculties and opportunities accessible for everyone so disabled people’s rights to these things are not upheld or taken into consideration.
The social model of disability states that every individual is a valued member of society and everyone has the same rights to housing, transport, education and the use of facilities. This model does not see people with disabilities as being faulty and instead sees the person as being ‘disabled’ by society, a society which needs to become more inclusive, for example, making faculties assessable to wheelchair users and having disabled and non-disabled children in the same school. The social model is far more progressive than the medical model, welcoming diversity and seeing the person not the disability. It identifies barriers and develops solutions and therefore makes positive changes to our society.
This model is likely to make individuals with a disability feel valued and part of a society which understands that everyone is different and people’s different needs should be considered so that faculties and opportunities are accessible to everyone. This will have a positive impact on society as a whole as people’s self-esteem will be higher leading them to have fulfilled lives. This will help people find jobs they enjoy and have healthy relationships. Everyone benefits as people are integrated and get to meet others who are different to them and realise that everyone has a part to play in society.