Bully and Victim Scenario

As some of you here may be aware of, there is a concept, in a form or therapy know as Transactional Analysis, called The Drama Triangle. The Drama Triangle is basically a big game sometimes unconsciously carried out in life between people when they find themselves relating to others in emotionally challenging situations.

Have you ever experienced this, you get into an intense situation with someone else, where its paramount that your own needs, feelings and thoughts are observed. Because of this intense need to be heard or acknowledged there is a vulnerability, either with you or someone you are relating to. The intensity of the situation can drive us into unconscious roles that we can feel inauthentic in, maybe a bit trapped, whilst relating to the other person.

In the Drama Triangle the three different roles that we can find ourselves unconsciously playing are one or more than one of the following three victim, perpetrator or rescuer.

Person 1 (Friend or peer in this moment playing rescuer to person 2 who does not want to change to fit within a specific way of being within the friendship group) “Come on you need to change a bit so you can fit in better with us, I will help just follow what I suggest” ?Person 2: “I am sorry I just don’t feel like it now, I promise I will try to make more of an effort soon when I am feeling better.I know I am not the same as you lot and maybe you can help me change” ( this person has fallen into victim role, maybe through their subconscious discounting of themselves and their own need to feel accepted).?Person 1: “well I really do hope so, you are letting yourself down and your friends” ( person 1 who is feeling angry and frustrated with person 2 for not conforming has now switched into persecutor role, sometimes the bully, there is now a power dynamic at play).

From this scenario the game could continue with roles switching, more emotional petrol put on the emotional drama, creating more fire for the game, but not a pleasant game.

Does this ring a bell? It might be that you have come to understand by observing these typical scenarios in life,

One solution to this typical scenario is to find what you really want at the time. If you want to be different or not conform, if you don’t really want to do something, even though there is peer pressure to do it, then you can say this to others and there is nothing wrong with this. Sometimes when we assert ourselves it gives a clear message to the person who is putting pressure on you, that the peer pressure is not going to work with them and the person putting on the pressure gets the message and backs off.

In the case of bullying it can sometimes be that a person who shows that they might be susceptible to being a potential victim, by showing a victim type response, is more at risk of falling into the role of victim in a bullying scenario. This is not always the case as bullying can be complicated but often it is. Whatever the scenario it’s important to stand strong within yourself for who you are, to communicate this to others with or without the help of others who can support you within this. If you feel you cannot have a voice for yourself within your peer group then you can talk to a trusted adult who can help you find ways of expressing your true self.